purpleisright

The Mystery of Mystery

Purple — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 21:47:04 +0000

I make a to-do list every day. I like it because it makes even the most minute tasks have the same amount of importance as very large tasks, so even when I do something easy, it feels like a big accomplishment when I can cross it off my list.

This was my most recent list:

I have no clue what I am supposed to do. I decided to make a list about all of the things that are mysterious to me, hopefully to jog my memory….

-Why don’t more people wear orange?
-Why does my tongue stick out further on some days than others?
-Where do babies come from?
-Why can’t I blow consistent bubbles?
-Why isn’t a miniature horse called a midget horse?
-Who gets to officially name colors?
-Why don’t unicorns ever talk to me in my dreams?
-Where does the germ-x go when I rub it on my hands?
-Why can’t I grow taller if I try really hard?
-Does fresh bamboo really smell like the spray on my desk?
-Why does my ipad sometimes make noise when the volume is off?
-Why does organic milk stay good longer?

Oooh, I need milk. Mystery SOLVED!

Rotating Nip

Purple — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 21:08:16 +0000

I can control cheese nips with my mind….

Butterfly Nip

Purple — Thu, 16 Sep 2010 21:50:21 +0000

I saw a Butterfly Nip the other day. This is a very accurate rendering of the creature. We didn’t get to talk, but it was eating an orange flavored popsicle, so I know we would have gotten along just fine.

My beef with turkey in the form of bacon

Purple — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 19:30:59 +0000

I usually have turkey bacon for breakfast every morning. Something that occurred to me this morning – turkey is not bacon. If you look at the definition of bacon, you’ll see it’s not even possible for turkey to be bacon.

“a side of a pig cured and smoked” Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary. 2010. Merriam-Webster Online.

The majority of the turkey meat industry is based on taking turkey meat and fashioning it into stuff we are already used to eating. I applaud them for that. It just wouldn’t be practical to have a big chunk of turkey and gravy every day.

Turkey can get away with being called turkey sausage, turkey burgers, turkey franks even, but turkey bacon crosses some sort of linguistic line that I can no longer stand for. I’d like to start calling turkey strips what they are, turkey strips.

Here is my point, illustrated:

This is bacon:

Technically, this is considered a strip of bacon:

Therefore, this should be called a strip of turkey:

Being the main provider of turkey meats for The Biggest Loser, I think getting Jennie-O on our side is the obvious first step.

You can sign my petition if you’d like.

Turkey eaters, stand strong!

I Believe in the Tape Fairy

Purple — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 22:02:13 +0000

I have had a secret wish for days now… to have some double sided tape of my very own. I considered buying some when I went to lunch, but Walmart looked super busy and Rite Aid smells funny on Fridays. When I got done eating my sandwich and headed back to my office, I discovered this hanging from my door knob:

I thought at first that maybe it was a dream or even a mirage. I grabbed the bag and sat down at my desk to look inside. Sure enough, my dreams had been answered.

I fully believe in the Tape Fairy now.

I was so excited about getting the tape that I forgot what I wanted it for in the first place, so I decided to see what kinds of things I have in my office that would stick to the wall with double sided tape.

THINGS THAT WOULD STICK

1. AA Battery
2. Norah Jones Concert Tickets
3. Orbit Bubblemint Gum

4. Double Sided Tape
5. Old No Doubt CD
6. Lei

THINGS THAT WOULD NOT STICK

1. Empty Diet Coke Bottle (
2. Ugly T-Shirt
3. Sunglasses

4. Yellow Highlighter
5. Bottle of Pure Vanilla Extract
6. Trixy Openwindow

On a side note:
Trixy did not really see the value in my experiment and was not a very willing participant.